Tom Riddle's day
by A.A. Majors
Summary: A Day in the life of a freak.


A Day in the Life of Tom M. Riddle  
  
Disclamer: I do not own Mr. Riddle; Mr. Riddle's pajamas; his shower; his broom; his robe; his mirror (or anything else he owns); Jonathan Creek; Sailor Moon; Powerpuff Girls; Bubbles; Jenny Craig; McDonald's; Gilderoy Lockhart; Euro-Disney; the Philosopher's Stone; Jazzercise; Cosmogirl!; Wormtail; Wormtail's brain-cell; the Geranium; the car; the muggles; Jenny Jones; old age; Granola bars; galleons; Happy-meals; the teeny beanie IN the Happy-meal; Malfoy; Narcissia; Duck, Duck, Goose; Small puppies; Harry Potter; Harry's death; Harry's escape; and Chutes and/or Ladders.  
  
A patheitc, normal day in everyone's favourite villains life. Is he REALLY all that bad? You betchya!  
  
8:00AM: I wake up. I think about death. I think about rebirth. I think about the Jenny Craig deal.  
  
At five after I get up. I look in the mirror. I ask out loud "Am I fat?" The mirror wakes up and says "Budge up, Tubby!" I use the killing curse on it. I am too pretty to be fat.  
  
8:30AM : I go down stairs. I jump off the banister and I hear something creak. MY BACK!!! Just as I hit the pavement, I realise old age has made me forget to use my broom. Why didn't I get the Philosopher's Stone when I had the chance? I eat a granola bar.  
  
9:00AM: Time for Jazzercise!!! I dance! I sing! I-aH! Wormtail, I told you to knock on that door!!! Rats are stupid.  
  
9:30AM: Jazzercise is over. It is time to get clothed properly. I walk back up stairs. I walk into my lovely closet. I look around. Do I want the green robe or the silver robe (black is not "in" this season, according to Cosmogirl! )? I pick the purple robe. I change out of my special-tailor- made-top-of-the-line heart pajamas. I put on my robe. I smell funny. In two days I shall shower. Otherwise, people will spread rumours and I will have to go on Jenny Jones because I am stinky! NO!  
  
9:45AM: I grab my broom and wand and fly out the open window. I return becaus old age has made me forget where I am going. Ah, I remember. The psychatrist. Dr. G. L-hart, I believe.I fly back out and arrive at the building.  
  
10:00AM: The clerk wants to know if I have an appointment. I do, but I don't want to tell her. She is too wimpy. It's not her buisness. I turn her into a pumpkin. I go ahead into the room. A blond-haired man is sitting in his chair. How does he stay so thin and pretty? Why are his eyes so blue and his hair so wavy?  
  
"Stop staring !" I say to him. He frightens me.  
  
"Staring? I was just looking at your lovely magenta robe!" he says in an annoying "Look at me!" voice.  
  
"It's purple,"I mumble.  
  
"Have a seat and tell me about your child hood!"he says in a voice that makes me nervous. I sit in the chair and my eye twitches.  
  
"Well, when I was born my mother died-"  
  
"Suicide was it? I'm kidding, Mr. Riddle!!"  
  
"Anyway,"I continue,"she died and my father ran out on her because she was a witch. I hate muggles."  
  
"Have you read my new book? Mind-Maddening Muggles,by Gilderoy Lockhart?"  
  
That's where I know him from! I think. He creeps me out. I continue.  
  
"I was forced to live with small muggles that smelled funny untill I got my letter from Hogwarts. After my first Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson, I decided to recreate-Hey, are you even listening?"  
  
He was flossing. I stomped out.I pet the pumpkin. I fly away.  
  
11:00AM: I think about lunch. I decide on Euro-McDonald's.Wormtail has sprouted a new brain-cell. My Geraniums are coming in nicely.  
  
11:30AM: Lunch. We take the muggle vehicle. We use the drive threw. He wouldn't accept a galleon, so I blew him up. I hate muggles. I take my Happy-meal and high-tail it home. It is almost time for Jonathan Creek!  
  
12:30 PM: In didn't get the toy I wanted. No one wants a dinky pig Teeny Beanie. I hate muggles.Time for the telly!  
  
2:00 PM: The old man died on Jonathan Creek. I hate muggles. I think about death again. I consider it.  
  
2:30 PM: I decide not to do suicide. Too many people would be happy. Besides, I haven't been to Euro-Disney yet!  
  
3:00 PM: I need to watch Sailor Moon.  
  
3:30 PM: Malfoy phoned. He wants to play Duck, Duck, Goose again. I tell him no, Narcissia is too slow. He bribed me. I tricked him into giving me money and letting me not play. He's easy to manipulate. I hate muggles.  
  
4:00 PM: I decide not to watch Powerpuff Girls today. They cut Bubbles. What a shame. I hate muggles.  
  
5:00 PM: I drew a picture of daddy *sob*. I can't give it to him. So I magnet it to the computer (muggle device).  
  
6:00 PM: The computer blew up. Stupid magnet. Oh, well. It's time to terrorize small puppies!  
  
6:30 PM: Wormtail stopped me. I tried to kill him, but he moved just in the nick of time. I give up. Besides. it's time to plot the death of Harry Potter and how he planned to escape last time.  
  
8:00 PM: After plotting, we have a rousing game of Chutes and Ladders.  
  
9:00 PM: I win. I hate muggles. Bedtime. Am I fat?  
  
10:00 PM: I am asleep. Leave me alone! 


End file.
